present when I least expect it. Death and its aftermath feel so – – eternal.

And maybe that’s the point. Perhaps the daily reminder of loss, the overwhelming sense of separation, the darkness, and the loneliness brings me to the end of myself and gives me an unshakable understanding that I am ultimately powerless to change how this movie ends.  But it’s not that I don’t try. It’s not that I don’t try to move on. It’s not that I don’t get up, and drink my pot of coffee, and go to work, and go to Walmart, and go to my kids’ events, and pay my bills, and do the things of life. I do. I get up with a can do attitude and convince myself that I can go on. That I can get through this. That somehow, life will be “normal” again – and then, BAM!!! The reminders are there with the subtlest smell, or sight, or sound.

Now, they say it will get better. They say that the incidents of “BAM!!!” Will get fewer and farther between and a new normal will eventually settle in. But as I think about it, that’s the thing. A new normal settles in and then, BAM!  And then a new normal and BAM!!. A new normal, and BAM!!! It’s an ongoing cycle that honestly, at this point in my life, I’m ready to be done with. But this isn’t a surprise to God and He even told us about it in Genesis 3 – that sin leads to death. And shortly after that, throughout the entire book of Genesis actually, God illustrates the pattern of new normal – BAM:
The days of Adam after he fathered Seth were 800 years; and he had other sons and daughters. Thus all the days that Adam lived were 930 years, and (BAM!) he died. When Seth had lived 105 years, he fathered Enosh. Seth lived after he fathered Enosh 807 years and had other sons and daughters. Thus all the days of Seth were 912 years, and (BAM!) he died….. Genesis 5:4-8 (ESV) Over 30 times in the book of Genesis, in the lives of the people mentioned throughout the book, people establish a new normal only to have it shattered by death. It’s almost as if God where trying to make a point – Almost as if God were trying to illustrate through the painful realities of experience that death, the un-crossable chasm between me and the others I love, the continuous grief with its daily reminders that someone or something significant is gone, the loneliness felt in the vast chiasm of the universe IS the new norm. And if that is case, is it no wonder that we feel fearful, and, deflated, and disheartened? Is it no wonder that we feel discouraged and broken and downtrodden? Is it no wonder that we try and try and try to escape this new norm through any means possible – through drugs or other addictions – through suicide – through virtual worlds – through pleasurable pursuits – through medical interventions? Only to be brought back time and time again to the painful realities of (BAM!) the new normal.

And friends, if this were the end of the discussion, it would be a very dark ending but the good news is it is not. God uses this message to get our attention because we are stubborn and think we can do it all without Him when we can’t. God’s word is clear: The wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23). That is to say our decisions to stubbornly reject God leads to physical and relational death every, single, time but the verse doesn’t end there. It goes on, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord. You see, at just the right time in history, God gave all of humanity the free gift of His Son, Jesus. And all we have to do to ultimately overcome the curse of death, is accept the gift – to trust Jesus when he says that God will ultimately restore the relationship with Himself and with others.

Now, to be brutally honest, I took God at His word over 30 years ago and I still struggle this side of heaven. I still struggle with the loss, the loneliness, and the endless questions with no tangible answers. But here’s the anticipation – here is the hope: One day, when my time here comes to an end, God will wipe the slate clean and I will be united with my Lord and those whom have chosen to love Him. And when that happens the promises of the Bible are clear:

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 21:3-5 (NIV)

So today, when BAM! Happens, it hurts; It feels so hopeless – But it’s not the end of the story. I’m not a man without hope because the same God that told us about the painful pattern of death also told us how this movie will end when we trust Him instead of ourselves. How about you? Who will you trust?